Taking Stock

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I’ve been working on this post since December. Now, I suppose, it’s really a bit late for it, but given the January I’ve had, I’m making the command decision that my 2011 really starts in February. So, without further ado, a look back at 2010, highs and lows alike.

January/February:

As 2009 gave way to 2010, I was standing at a turning point in my career. I started an exciting new job at UMBC (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) as the Alumni and Development Communications Coordinator. It allowed me to continue working in writing and communications, but it allowed me to expand in some important ways. I was now in a higher education setting. I began to grow my skills in social media and video shooting/editing. And in addition to the awesome career step it would prove to be, I found myself surrounded by talented, creative, hardworking people that make coming to work a pleasure.

And with the new year, I also began my last semester of grad school. I was, as I suspect most of my classmates were, excited and nervous about the months ahead, which I was sure would be a blur of hard work, frustration, excitement, and progress toward a long-awaited goal.

March/April:

I made 30 copies of my book, The Mockingbird’s Song, by hand. ‘Nuff said.

May:

Meri_FamI can’t remember much of those late winter and early spring months–revisions upon revisions and assignment upon assignment, they faded, as I expected they would, into one big, crazy busy time. But then May arrived, and with it spring and new excitement. I was granted a Master of Fine Arts Degree–easily one of the most exciting moments of my life. My mom and dad, both my grandmas, and my Aunt Cindy all traveled to Baltimore to celebrate with me and all the friends I’ve made in the last few years.

June/July:

I headed into the summer resolutely refusing to do anything productive. I wallowed in the freedom from classes, enjoying my evenings and doing as little as I possibly could. But then, as I am wont to do, I got bored and began looking for ways to make life more busy. I found the perfect diversion when a good friend of mine asked me to substitute teach for her English class at CCBC (Community College of Baltimore County) for a couple weeks in July. I was, she said, to focus on poetry. What a fantastic turn of luck for me–I was going to get my first chance to teach, and I was going to get to teach one of the things I love most of all. I’m not sure what those students thought of me as I trotted out Sylvia Plath and Langston Hughes, Sherman Alexie and Kim Addonizio, but I had a blast.

August:

My substitute teaching finished, my friend suggested I apply for an adjunct teaching position at CCBC. I did so with much enthusiasm but little hope that it would come to anything, given my lack of experience. But I was happily surprised when I was offered a section of English 101 all for my very own self. I only had a week to prepare (I was a last-minute hire), but I threw myself into planning my first class. I also had the great good fortune to volunteer as a Teaching Assistant for my friend Jenny’s electronic publishing class at the University of Baltimore. With my teaching load, my fall turned into another big blur of busy time, but I was happy as could be in the classroom.

September/October/November:

5171488568_f777e364e6_bSomehow, in the midst of all I had going on, I began to find time to get back into bookmaking. When I struck up a conversation with a local shop owner about my hobby, I got an offer to sell my books on consignment. Charlotte Elliott, a fantastic store in Hampden, requested 40 blank journals for the holiday season. For about two weeks, I spent every spare moment I could find in my workshop, and I delivered the books to them in October. From there, some of the journals have gone on to exciting and distant locales like Paris and Turkey. I can only hope a few have stayed local, too.

Then, as the holiday season approached, a number of friends and family began to request custom journals to give as gifts. Avelino and I got back into the workshop and managed to get the books out in time for Christmas. We were excited to hear that everyone loved their books and to learn about how people were using them–one will be a class notebook for a woman studying to be a nurse, another a pregnancy journal.

December:

I graded papers. And then I graded some more. And then a couple more, just for the fun of it. And then, thankfully, the semester ended. Seems like a good time to relax, right? Wrong. As I put my grades to bed, I decided it was time to make our annual Christmas cards. But they wouldn’t just be any old cards–they’d be cards featuring hand-embroidered ornaments. Because I’m crazy. Neither Ave or I had ever embroidered anything in our lives. And yet, miraculously (and with help from Ave’s dad, who is a maverick with a needle), they got done.

5340965243_f9ee3d13b3_bAt about that same time, I decided to buy a sewing machine and embark on my first big sewing project–a blanket made of polar fleece and wool, with a border featuring a heart/leaf pattern embroidered in French knots. And I would give that project as a Christmas gift. Fortunately, I was granted an extension till Three Kings Day, and, sewing up to the very last second, I got it finished, and it didn’t look half bad.

In December, I learned (again) that I have a tendency to dive headfirst into really big, daunting pursuits. Someday, I will stop doing that.

January 2011:

Hectic.I think this may be the only word to describe January of 2011 as I lived it. It was not without its sweet spots, but wrapped all together, it rolled and tumbled through my life and I am relieved to be rid of it.

I began the month in Missouri, wrapping up a wonderful trip home to visit with my family. It was good to see how well everyone is doing and to spend some quality time with my parents, my siblings, and my grandma. However, it ended sooner than I would have liked and I shuttled back home for about six days that I divided between work and time spent comatose in front of the television before jetting off to Kansas City. My return to the Midwest was brief and busy as my co-workers and I trained on a new product we’ll be using. After three days in the bone-chilling cold and ice, it was back to Baltimore for another 5 days where I upped the ante on vegging and tried to prepare for the next trip.

Things seemed to be going along alright until I went to find my passport about 36 hours before we were scheduled to leave for Costa Rica. This shouldn’t have been a problem, as I have a dedicated lock box for important documents, and yet, somehow, it was–my passport was not there. Thus began the most horrendous day ever.

We started by searching the house. To his credit, Ave was diligent and thorough in his search while I alternated between hand wringing, frantic scrabbling, hyperventilating, and weeping. At about 1 a.m., I took a really hot shower and drugged myself with Nyquil in an attempt to get some, any sleep. I was up at 6 a.m. the next morning and off to work where, I hoped, I might find the missing document.  My hoping was for naught, and so it was off through the ice to the Washington, D.C. passport office. We were, of course, running late, and in my hurry to get into a parking garage, I managed to wing my car on a wall, smashing in my bumper and busting out a headlight.  Then, joy of joys, we spent several hours waiting in line at the passport agency, where I was finally told that for about a bajillion dollars I could, indeed, get my passport replaced that day. Despite (because of?) everything that I had been through, and despite all the cranky people at the passport office, I could have kissed that rather sullen employee.

DreamspaceAnd so it was that the next morning at 8 a.m. I climbed on a plane (after checking that my passport was indeed in my purse about five zillion times) and headed to Costa Rica. It was, by far, one of the most amazing trips I have ever been on, and it will get its own post in the next day or so. I fell in love with that place, its monkeys and geckos, its sunsets and plantains. Best of all, my time in Costa Rica gave me a sense of peace as I head into February and the rest of 2011, which is a pretty good way to feel.

Costa Rica: A Quick Update

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I have had the great good fortune to travel to Costa Rica. We’re on our second day here, and I’m already in love with this country. It is so full of color and life–it’s a place that makes me want to write, to create. For now I’m off to bed, but here are a few images from the trip so far. See more on Flickr.

Sometimes you find just what you need.

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Sometimes the world knows, and it gives it to you. It’s especially nice when you find it in one of the best books you’ve read in a long, long time. I just finished Ana Castillo’s Peel My Love Like An Onion, and this passage in one of the final chapters shot through me, dizzying and sharp. Though my life is good, if hectic, I’m still processing all the endings and beginnings this year brought and trying to figure out what happens next. I’ve spent a lot of time celebrating myself, berating myself, and analyzing what I’ve done and what I hope to do. I’ve struggled with knowing how to move my life forward and been annoyed with myself for what feel like cliche moments of self doubt and confusion, those crises of self that seem so popular. No matter how much I try to convince myself that those moments are mine and I’ve earned them, I can’t help but feel a bit trite when I’m wondering what I’ll amount to in this world, and so reading this felt revelatory, necessary.

It’s the details that count. Although sometimes you have to look real close for the tiniest sign of something green. Like a lotus that has grown out of the mud underneath water and blossoms when it reaches light and new life unfolds. I am a big lotus blossom, lovely and impermanent as everything else. In our own skin we can be reincarnated. You don’t have to have a baby, reproduce yourself for a new and improved you. You don’t have to die first. You don’t have to die at all.

You just have to face the music pay the piper dance to the beat of your own drum and keep in mind cliches aside all is fair in love and war.

So I’m ready.

I think I’m in love with Ana Castillo for giving me these words, and also for giving me the rest of her novel, which was gritty and musical and heartrending and wonderful. Even before I got to this passage, I would have adamantly recommended this book to just about anyone, so go read it already. (You can find an excerpt here.)

For the love of birds

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I delivered some more books to Charlotte Elliott today, and because I have absolutely no impulse control and I pretty much love everything in that place, I bough a couple new books (just a few, I did manage to reign myself in a bit). One of them is a book from the Everyman’s Pocket Library (put out by Knopf) called On Wings of Song: Poems About Birds. It is, of course, exactly what it proclaims to be; a collection of poems from the likes of Margaret Atwood, D.H. Lawrence, and Gerard Manley Hopkins, among others, all about birds. It had the obvious suspects (“The Raven,” “13 Way of Looking at a Blackbird”), but I bought it because it also has two beautiful poems about mockingbirds (my favorite is Randall Jarrell’s “The Mockingbird”). Also because I love the cover art.

But when I got home and flipped to the first poem, I fell in love with it for yet another reason. The first poem in the book, Daniel Hall’s “Short Circuit,” is the kind of poem that makes your heart speed up and mind take pause:

Short Circuit

For no reason,
all at once,

a dove and a jay
swerve and land

at opposite ends
of the clothesline,

and the clothes–mine,
all mine!–commence

to dance with reckless
love and joy.

And now I’m off to keep reading. I hope you are having as delightful a Sunday evening as I am, curled up on the couch with my boy, my cats, and a book of poems.

*knock knock knock*

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Oh, well, hello there! I know I deserted you months ago and you’ve every right to be angry with me, but do, please, consider an ounce of forgiveness and a pinch of mercy.

It’s been a busy summer and fall. As you all know by now, I graduated with my MFA, a super exciting moment for me. But I’m always looking forward (I must get it from my mother, who, two days after I walked across the stage, called to ask how my planning for a PhD was going. I love ya, mom), and I started thinking about what was next–I contributed pages to an awesome book project by Kate Wyer, was honored to have my work in Jenny O’Grady’s The Light Ekphrastic (not just once, but twice), and even had a fantastic opportunity to do a bit of work with Adam Robinson on his Chapbook Genius series.  I also decided to unofficially give myself the summer “off” from things–no pressure to write, to make books, not even blog. I reveled in that, I must admit–after the intensity of my last year in school, a break was in order.

But by August, I had landed a teaching gig at the Community College of Baltimore County (CCBC). And let me just say, teaching is incredibly hard work. I put more time into teaching than I ever did into being a student, which is a bit sad to admit. However, as the teacher, you don’t ever get an off day. There’s no sitting in the back of the classroom, eyes down, hoping no one will call on you because you’re tired and it’s cold and you just don’t want to be here today. You’re on, full on, for 80 minutes. I love it, but it does get wearisome from time to time.

And as the summer wore down and fall swept in (albeit rather red-faced and flustered from the clinging heat), I turned back to my loves. I cracked open a new journal and crawled right into the pages and got writing. I got my  craft room in order (mostly) and tried out a few ideas I’d been having for bookmaking. And, most recently, I struck a deal with a local shop to sell my handmade journals (more on that at the bindery website).

It’s been a whirlwind, and it’s not over yet. In a few weeks, my sister will be out to visit for our birthdays, then Ave and I will trek to Missouri for Christmas, and we’ll spend a week in January in Costa Rica. I keep wondering when I’ll have a moment to rest–not for awhile, I suppose. But I’ll try to reopen this space and at least make an occasional, if not regular visit.

Announcements, Announcements, Annnoooouuncements!

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graduation announcement

The Details

On May 7, 2010, I will present and sell my MFA thesis project, a book of poetry I have written, designed, and handmade, at a public reading.

On May 16, 2010, I will graduate from the University of Baltimore with a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing and Publishing Arts. After three years of honing my writing skills and learning book arts and design, they’re ready to set me free.

Why am I telling you?

Because I hope that you’ll be able to join me as I celebrate this achievement. If you’re local and you’d like to come out for the reading at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, May 7, I’d love to see you there (email me for directions/details).

And while I’m only allowed five guests at the graduation ceremony, we’re having a party at my house afterward. If you can make it, we’d be thrilled. That’ll be Sunday, May 16, at 4:30 p.m. (invitation to follow with location). If you’re from out of town, no worries. Just send some happy thoughts my way. It means so much to me just to know you’re thinking of me on my special day.